My Insurance Company Wants To Kill Me

"JACU - I've got bonifides." (jacu) 02/05/2014 at 16:45 • Filed to: None

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I received this in the mail today:

JACU (names have been changed to protect the innocent)

This is a time sensitive letter regarding your life insurance.

A few years back you made an important decision: you decided to guarantee your family's financial security even if you were no longer around to provide for them. Your Life insurance policy is also an essential part of your overall plan.

While reviewing your policy we noticed that you could outlive your Life Insurance. This can be prevented but we need to act very soon.

What the hell? It went on further telling me to "come by the office as soon as you're able. Ask for Jim or Joe."

Jim or Joe? No last names. Just "Jim or Joe".

I'm locking the doors, loading my guns and staying in the rest of the day.

If I don't post tomorrow, it's been great knowing you guys. In the meantime, have some cake.

getchapopcorn > JACU - I've got bonifides. 02/05/2014 at 16:49

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Pretty sure this lady poisoned that cake/piece — I'm gonna pass on the cake.

liquid_popcorn > JACU - I've got bonifides. 02/05/2014 at 16:50

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lolwut.

. . > JACU - I've got bonifides. 02/05/2014 at 16:52

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You can run, but you can't hide.

ttyymmnn > JACU - I've got bonifides. 02/05/2014 at 16:55

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As a stay home dad, I'm more valuable dead than alive. I think my wife keeps me around to do the laundry. 'Cause it ain't for sex. :/

JACU - I've got bonifides. > ttyymmnn 02/05/2014 at 17:02

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My gosh fella'. I was a stay home husband for five years until just recently. Did ALL the work around the house while recuperating from complications from brain surgery (no joke). Sex was a non-issue for me too, but I didn't let the little woman go wanting.

I called BIG JIM SLADE!

d1ck > ttyymmnn 02/05/2014 at 17:03

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Destructive Tester > JACU - I've got bonifides. 02/05/2014 at 17:12

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ttyymmnn > JACU - I've got bonifides. 02/05/2014 at 17:21

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That's hilarious. But, "The capital of Nebraska is Lincoln?" I don't get it.

JACU - I've got bonifides. > ttyymmnn 02/05/2014 at 17:26

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Use the time in your life wisely and try and find a copy of "Kentucky Fried Movie" to watch. It's a zany, madcap series of vignettes that spoof the real world, including the Black Sexploitation films of the time.

ttyymmnn > JACU - I've got bonifides. 02/05/2014 at 17:28

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I know of the movie, but I've never seen it. I wonder if it's on Netflix.

In a similar vein, I can recommend The Groove Tube . It's a spook of TV, and while inconsistent, it's hilarious in places.